The Funhouse

So, it finally happened. We finally got through all the negotiations, legal madness, mortgage crapola, and last Friday, we bought a brand new, fancy house.

Except by "brand new" I mean, it was built in the 1890s, and by "fancy" I mean, if you were homeless and lost your sense of smell, you might think it was pretty nice.

So yeah, we bought a fixer-upper, formerly owned by a not-quite-right older lady with lots of cats, who peed in lots of places other than their litter boxes. (The cats, I mean. Not the old lady... well, I'm not sure about that actually). In addition to the extreme cat-pee odor, the house also features an addition on the back that's slowly sinking, which has led to a wonky staircase that would fit in quite well in a funhouse. Or perhaps Willy Wonka's factory. Or maybe an Escher painting. Or quite possibly a Dumpster.

But I don't care. Because it's mine. That beautiful two-car garage? I own you. That rose bush? I own you, too. Cat-urine-soaked hardwoods? All MINE!

And in case you missed it, we have stairs. Not like, "I live on a third-floor walk-up" stairs, but rather "Oh, do you need to use the computer? That's in our office, UPSTAIRS." Or "Someone's using the bathroom down here, so you can use the other one UPSTAIRS."

Which brings me to the next bit of excitement: We have TWO bathrooms. Well, actually, we sort of have three, but the third one is of the super-creepy variety in the basement and only features 3 walls. So, yeah, we don't plan on using that one too much.

Other fabulous features include three bedrooms, a backyard and awesome neighbors, who even brought us champagne in the pouring rain Monday night while we worked on the floors.

We don't have to be out of our current apartment until the end of the month, so we're not moving until then. For the next few weeks, it's gonna be all remodeling, all the time. In preparation, I've watched nothing but HGTV and Flip This House for the past two months. (By the way, New Haven, CT team—so freaking hot. San Antonio guy—total freaking douchebag).

I plan on blogging about the process along the way. In fact, if you'd like a tour of the new place, check out the video below. Just don't get too close to the screen, because you might be able to smell the cat pee. Seriously.


Funhouse from Sarah Wunder on Vimeo.