Ups and downs

One of my goals this year was to drop five pounds by the time I go to Aruba, which is in two days. I’m sad to say that I didn’t quite make it. I only lost 3 pounds. However, all that weight lifting, running and ellipticizing has gotten me in decent shape, even though the scale refuses to agree with me. Good enough shape that yesterday I went out and bought a pair of jeans in a size I never, ever thought I’d be able to wear. Granted, the cut of the jeans, which have a slightly higher rise than I normally wear, greatly affected the size. Had I bought jeans in my normal super low-rise style, I would have had to go up one or two sizes. But still, nothing can put a smile on my face like successfully zipping up a pair of jeans four sizes smaller than I wore at my heaviest.

Because I’m thinking about that resolution, I thought I’d check in with a few others as well. For starters, there’s my goal to run a 5k in less than 30 minutes. Being February in Chicago, I’ve done little outdoor running this year. So, I've used a treadmill, where I’ve managed to clock in a 5k at 31:30. However, that’s inside, sans wind, on a totally flat surface. So, I’m thinking I’ll need to get that down to less than 27 minutes inside to actually be able to do it in less than 30 outside.

As far as my mileage goes, I ran about 37 miles in January. I’ll need to crank up my weekly mileage if I want to break 500 miles this year, but hopefully once the weather gets better, I’ll be able to get in more long runs outside.

Speaking of the weather, I’m so done. I really try not to complain about the weather in Chicago, as I’m quite defensive of the city when others complain about it. Besides, I’ve lived in upstate New York; Chicago’s weather pales in comparison.

However, this year, I just can’t take it anymore. This winter has been awful. Tons of snow. Super cold temperatures. Days on end without seeing the sun. Everyday, I trudge through the snow (because the shit heads in my neighborhood don’t shovel their sidewalks) to the bus stop, then wait for 20 minutes. Then I do the whole thing over again at night. Except at night, the bus is usually running super late, so I wait for a half hour, only to have a totally full bus refuse to stop to pick me up because it can’t take any more passengers. So I wait for another 10 minutes, in the cold, and the wind, on the brink of tears. Every. Day.

I’m not the type of person who gets depressed. Like, if I’m feeling down, it usually lasts about 20 minutes. But this winter, I’ve been in a serious funk. Note the frequency of posts. It’s gotten better as I’ve gotten closer to the Aruba trip, but for most of this winter, I’ve been seriously down. Like, sleeping for 14 hours straight, not eating, and crying for no reason. And I can’t explain it. I don’t know why I feel this way. Then there’s this anxiety, like I’m trapped by the weather. I feel like I can’t get warm enough. I’m always cold. It sucks.

I don’t know much about seasonal affective disorder, but I sorta think that might be what’s going on. But what I don’t understand is why I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve certainly dealt with my fair share of long, snowy, cold winters. I hope that this upcoming trip to the always-85-degree-and-sunny island will recharge whatever needs recharging. But I’m scared that I’ll return and fall into an even deeper funk because I won’t have another island getaway to look forward to.

Ugh. Sorry this post is such a downer.