Sarah’s Sexiest Men Alive

I’m a day late with this, but look at all the hotness I’ve compiled! Totally worth it.

So, I think this list requires a little disclaimer. My tastes are a bit different than conventional. I’m much more attracted to personality than looks. And I don’t mean to come across all, “I shall see your Brad Pitt and raise you a Holden Caulfield because I’m so freaking deep and self-actualized that sometimes I just spend hours lying in a grass field during rain storms writing in my journal about my deepness until the rain soaks through the paper and the ink bleeds and then I realize that journal writing outside in the rain probably wasn’t a good idea. But you know what, fuck you. I’m deep.”

No, what I mean is, actors in general play so many different roles that it’s impossible to be attracted to all their personalities. Hence, you’ll find a few characters on this list, as opposed to actors. And you’ll find a lot of talk show hosts because, well, I’d like to assume that their quirky personalities isn’t the result of acting, but how they are ALL THE TIME. Like if I ran into one in the grocery store, they would flirt with me, ask me tons of questions about myself and occasionally make self-deprecating yet adorable jokes about themselves.

Which leads me to my first list entry, who is the master of adorable self-deprecating humor: Conan O’Brien.


He has a hilarious talk show, he used to be a writer for SNL and The Simpsons, he’s really tall, and he occasionally gets to hang out with a masturbating bear. In other words, he’s pretty much to perfect man.

In keeping with the talk-show theme, we have Jimmy Kimmel, circa “Win Ben Stein’s Money.”


These were the good years for Jimmy, before the degrading yet sometimes funny “The Man Show” and before starting his own talk show, which I rarely can get through. But back during his Ben Stein days, he was cute, funny and cruel to nerdy contestants. No wonder Sarah Silverman fell for him (who, by the way, would be on Chris’ sexiest women alive list if he were to make one, along with Maya Rudolf, Amy Poehler, Sweet Dee from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and Natalie Portman. This is why I married him).

Taking it old skool, there’s Anthony Kiedis, circa Blood Sugar Sex Magik. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a good photo of him back in the day, with his beautiful mane of hair, so we’ll have to settle for this blondie pic, which is pretty cute, too.


I used to have the “Fright Like a Brave’ poster on my ceiling in high school. That would be the poster that features the Peppers in nothing but socks. My room was at the top of the stairs in my parents’ house, so coming up the stairs, the first thing you’d see was that poster. Combined with my GnR posters and giant Trent Reznor poster next to my antique dresser, I’m amazed when I of all the stuff my parents had to deal with back in the day. But hey, at least I got good grades.

Going back to the ’80s, we have two of the sexiest characters of all time: Kevin Dolenz (Andrew McCarthy) in “St. Elmo’s Fire,” and Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack) in “Say Anything.”



Both of these choices require very little explanation. Kevin Dolenz was a lovelorn journalist with a coffin in his apartment. Dreamboat! And Lloyd Dobler was … Lloyd Dobler. If you don’t understand, you have no heart. Or a brain. Or my friendship. Go away.

In keeping with the “character = totally hot, actor = eh, sometimes” theme, there’s Chandler Bing during the could-Matthew-Perry-BE-any-more-addicted-to-drugs? years. Sorry folks, he was just so much cuter before he got all pudgy and sober.


The final two on my list are of the talk-show-host variety. First, there’s Anthony Bourdain.


This one took a little while to ferment for me. I was quite intrigued after listening to “Kitchen Confidential,” but it wasn’t until a recent episode of “No Reservations” when I found myself incredibly jealous of his Korean female tour guide that I realized I had a thing for Bourdain.

And finally, there’s Hal Sparks circa Talk Soup.


Before his days on “Queer as Folk,” Hal Sparks kept me company the summer I was home recuperating in college. Everyday, via Talk Soup, Hal would come into my living room, entertain me, make me laugh, and show me only the best, most deplorable moments of Ricki Lake and Jerry Springer so I didn’t actually have to watch them myself. And for that, I am eternally grateful.