Self-Portrait Challenge: Imperfect Halloween Costume

So this year for Halloween, Chris and wanted to go as something fun. Something that would rise to the level of our costume last year when we went as Ron Burgundy and Veronica Corningstone. Something that would, at the very least, make people laugh.

So here was our idea: We both dressed like we were about to go to the country club. I wore plaid pants and a polo with a sweater tied around my neck. I donned a white visor and carried a tennis racket. Chris dressed similarly, with a green polo and a sweater tied around his neck. He also pulled off a nice comb-over that made him look both like he was the president of his fraternity and also running for political office. We went by the names Porter Wellington III and Miffy Carter Wellington. We talked about our make believe kids named Cole and Preston, and theorized that our housekeeper Guadalupe was secretly making long-distance phone calls to her family back in Honduras or Argentina, or where ever it is she’s from.

Then to top it all off, we wore bug antennae. Why?

Because we’re WASPS!

Get it?

That’s OK, no one else did either.

We really thought everyone would find these hilarious. Like, “Oh, it’s so funny how you’ve made a subtle social commentary while playing off the term “wasp” at the same time. How clever! And by the way Sarah, you look fabulous in plaid pants.”

But instead, everyone was like, “Oh, right, wasps. Okay.”

Oh well. At least Chris and I amuse ourselves.

Not-Quite-New-Year’s Resolutions

In the rush of the holiday season and both mine and Chris’ birthdays falling between Christmas and New Year’s, I rarely have time to compose a list of resolutions at the end of the year more comprehensive than “1. Lose weight. 2. Pay off credit card debt.”

So, in this lull between the wedding/honeymoon and the beginning of the holiday season, I thought I’d take some time to put together a meaningful New Year’s Resolution list. And so I have some sort of motivation to actually accomplish these things, I’m posting it here so all of you can kick me in the ass if I don’t.

To Do in 2007:

1. Start freelancing.

2. Keep working out. (Number of times I’ve been to the gym since saying “I Do” – zero.)

3. Eat more vegetables. Except asparagus, because no matter how many different ways Chris prepares it, even served cold in an awesome strawberry salad, asparagus is still gross. Sorry.

4. Speaking of eating, try to go out to some new restaurants other the same two every month.

5. However, don’t blow a bunch of cash on dining out, either. Save money and put it into…

6. A condo fund. Start one so you can buy one someday.

7. Do something musical. Take out your trumpet and join a municipal band, or buy an electronic piano. Music used to be your one constant in life. So don’t forget your roots.

8. Speaking of your roots, try to go to church more often. Yeah, the Protestants might not totally jive with your current lifestyle, but it’s nice to believe in something, even if you don’t agree with everything.

9. Spend more time with the baby.

10. Start baking bread because it makes the husband happy.

11. Be more social. Make new friends but keep the old, and all that.

12. Lose weight.

13. Pay off credit card debt.

Jack-in-a-Tux

I have no reason for posting this other than, "Hey, look how cute my nephew is!"

Mizzou-blah

Apparently, Mizzou's football team is somewhat decent this year. Because of this, a local Missouri alumni group put together a football viewing party at the Cubby Bear last weekend. Because the husband and I are both Mizzou graduates, and because the Cubby Bear is about two blocks from our apartment, we decided to check it out.

However, as soon as I entered the bar, I immediately remembered why I rarely feel the need to return to those college glory days. It’s because Missouri girls all look like this:



Tall, blonde, thin, perfect. They can wear Mizzou baseball hats and look adorable. When I wear a baseball hat, my ears fold over. Walking into that bar reminded me of all those years in Columbia when I felt like Frodo Baggins among Victoria Secret models.

But that's OK. I happened to be standing next to one of these girls right after she returned from the bathroom. She placed her giant purse on the floor and didn't notice that she let the straps fall open. And prominently placed at the top of her purse was this:



Talk about putting the "Rah, Rah, Rah" in "diarrhea."

Merry October

Three weeks ago I was in Spain. The temperature was in the upper-80s.
One week ago I was in Texas. It was in the 90s.
Today I am in Chicago. It's snowing.

I think I made a wrong turn somewhere.

Building A Successful Marriage: A How-To

Step 1: Have a kick ass wedding.

Step 2: Go on an awesome honeymoon.

Step 3: Leave hubby at home and jet off to a swanky resort in central Texas with no cell phone reception.

What, is this not the typical post-honeymoon process? So yeah, I'm in Texas right now for a work-related conference. It's in the middle of nowhere, and I get, at best, spotty cell phone reception. Meanwhile, my new husband is at home...all alone...and most likely spooning the dog at this moment. (Don't judge it, man. It's not like you've never spooned your dog before. Haven't you?)

Anyway, this is probably isn't the ideal way to spend your fourth week of married life. Any other time, I'd jump at the chance to travel for work. I mean, who doesn't love staying in a fancy resort, eating free food, drinking free top-shelf booze and seeing their boss and co-workers get schnockered? But this time, however, I'd rather be at home with my man, watching bad reality television and drinking Osco-brand whiskey.

Self-Portrait Challenge: Dirty Secret

This month's Self-Portrait Challenge is imperfections and dreadful secrets. I thought I'd go with one dirty little secret: I am one dirty little girl.

Literally. I'm messy.

About half of the fights Chris and I get into revolve around cleaning duties. Or more accurately, his inability to pick up after himself. He leaves dirty socks under the computer desk. He leaves clothing on the couch. He will use the same bath towel everyday for weeks until I change it for him. However, for all my complaining, I'm actually quite messy myself.

Take Exhibit A, for example: The Kitchen Sink. Chris does almost all the cooking, so I'm supposed to do the dishes. And do I complete this chore? Take a look:



Or consider Exhibit B: My Closet. Chris may leave his clothes all over the house, but I don't do much better. I just pile them up in my closet. Sure, they might not be out for everyone to see, but does that make me any less messy? What do you think?



Neither of these examples compares, however, to the horrors of Exhibit C: Our Apartment Post-Wedding. We brought home a stack of presents on Saturday and started to unwrap. And the empty boxes have taken over our living space. While most people would have been driven to insanity by this wasteland of boxes after about, oh, an hour, we've lasted 3 days:



(Since the photo was taken we've clean up about half the mess)

So there you have one of my dirty little secrets: I’m a dirty little hypocrite.