About last night...

For some reason, the weight of wanting to be better at everything gets to me sometimes. And suddenly, i just want to curl up and check out of civilization for a while because I can never seem to accomplish want I want to accomplish.

I want to lose weight. i want to be an athlete. I want to be one of those people that gets up at 5 a.m everyday and reads the paper and goes to the gym and still gets into work by 8.

I want to be good at small talk ... rather than the person who takes the stairs just so she doesn't have to deal with making conversation with a co-worker she doesn't know very well for a few minutes.

i want to photograph well.

I want to be a better wife, a better dog owner, a better friend, a better family member. I want to remember people's birthdays and send them cards. I want people to rely on me as much as I rely on them, and always be there when they need me.

I want to have hair that looks doesn't look messy all the time.

I want to be one of those people that everyone wants to be around all the time. And I want to be one of those people who doesn't care if people want to be around them all the time.

I want to be someone who doesn't regret saying half the things she says.

I want to dress fabulously.

All you people out there who have it all, who run 30 miles per week and have cute clothes and hair that actually looks done, and have tons of friends and remember birthdays and never drink too much and talk too much, and are engaging, and people hang on your every word. How do you do it? And, can I be you for a while?