I heart Mr. Ad Report Card

I'm officially in love with Seth Stevenson, author of Slate.com's Ad Report Card. Like most folks from the editorial side, I'm not a huge fan of advertising (even if it is the fuel of a free press, as the foyer of the Missourian liked to remind me every day of j-school). But despite my disdain for advertising, I am obsessed with Ad Report Card, mostly because Mr. Stevenson is freaking hilarious, especially when he digresses into something unrelated.

For example, consider this week's post. The fact that he manages to work a Ricky Williams "Pass the bong" joke into his assessment of the Clio awards is amazing.

Or take his review of ads for The Gap. In one of his classic asides, Seth talks about how Monica Lewinsky's famous blue dress was from The Gap, but that these days, the company is no longer fancy enough for White House interns. He then sums this up with one of the funniest sentences of all time: "It's just a sign of how badly things have gone for the brand: They can't even get world leaders to ejaculate on their clothes anymore."

There are many, many more . If you've got an afternoon to waste at work, I suggest reading all of them. And then you, too, will fall in love with Seth Stevenson.

SPC: On the street, at a bar, under the L

It's been a while since I've done Self-Portrait Challenge. Probably because I haven't been able to find my camera charger since the move. But this month's topic — on the street — was just too good to pass up for a second week. I guess I'll have to make due with my camera phone until I find/replace that missing cord.

Anyway, here's a pic taken at this bar by my new place that's right at the bottom of the L platform. Like, if you get off the train after work, and you can't fathom the idea of taking another step without a drink, this is where you go. It's got a nice outdoor area and a pretty sweet beer selection, too.

Cheers!

La Fiesta

Chris and I had our big Cinco de Mayo bash on Saturday. There was food, there was tequila, there was music, there was puking.

Overall, I'd say it was a success — especially because I wasn't one of pukers for a change. Once I get some pics from the party, I'll post 'em, along with a story or two.

Until then, you can find me in my new favorite room, trying to get vomit stains out of my shower curtain.

My New Favorite Room

After lots of packing and box gathering, Chris and I finally moved last Monday. And then last Tuesday, I became intimately familiar with my new bathroom, but not before defacing some public property near the Magnificent Mile.

I will explain.

It all started with this boy:



Sure he looks cute and innocent, but he is actually the carrier of the Evil Baby Virus (a.k.a. the stomach flu). Jack contracted this virus and passed it on to his poor, unsuspecting mother. However, unsatisfied with just infecting his mom, he decided to infect his grandfather as well. Grandpa went on to infect Grandma. And between the two of them, the Evil Baby Virus somehow found me, even though I spent only about 15 minutes with the infected when I went to pick up my baby (the good baby that doesn’t infect people with evil viruses) from Grandma and Grandpa’s house.

Unfortunately, I didn’t realize I had contracted the Evil Baby Virus until Tuesday afternoon while at work. Becoming increasingly nauseous, I called Chris and asked him to borrow one of his co-worker’s cars (he doesn’t drive to work) and pick me up from work. We agreed to meet at the corner of my street and lower Michigan Avenue.

Now, one of the joys of working on the 35th floor of a building is stopping a billion times up and down the elevator for other people on floors 1 through 34. Apparently, those people don’t realize what an absolute inconvenience their chosen floor of occupation is to the workers above them — ESPECIALLY when someone from 35 is about to lose her lunch and has to endure the feeling of an elevator stopping and starting five times in one trip.

When I finally did get down to the lower level, I was feeling a wee bit wobbly. I started to walk to the corner where I was to meet Chris, but quickly realized I wasn’t going to make it. I turned around, made a bee-line for the trashcan and successfully reached it, only to have my legs give out from under me as I sank to the ground and threw up in the grass in one glorious motion. On a downtown street. Next to the bus stop. For all to see.

One of those people witnessing my unpleasantness was Chris, who had just pulled up in his boss’ Porsche Cayenne. You know, luxury cars are nice and all, but not so much when you’re borrowing one from your spouse’s employer and you’ve just puked on the sidewalk with a high probability of round two.

Chris jumped out of the SUV, scooped me up and promptly took me home. Luckily, I did not make a mess of the boss’ car, but I did spend a large portion of the next 24 hours on my new bathroom floor, which, by the way, features brand-new off-white — very cold — ceramic tile.

My Husband

Earlier this week, I sent Chris an e-mail telling him to check out this Chicago crime Web site a college friend set up called www.chicagocrime.org. It's a pretty cool database of crimes that you can search by street, zip code, etc.

Anyway, I looked up our current block and then the block of our soon-to-be-residence. Surprisingly, our current block in relatively safe Lakeview had more crimes than our new block, which is in a slightly rougher area. I sent this info to Chris, and he wrote back:

"The crimes on [our current street] are weird, ie, telephone harassment, deception, and the like. I like my crimes like my women—rough, tough, and occasionally a peeping tom."

Sometimes it snows in April

Today is opening day at Wrigley Field. It's also snowing. Ha.

So, the big news going on right now is moving day. It's a week from today. We still have A LOT of work to do before then, like, you know, packing. I now regret opening most of our wedding presents. We SO could have gone seven months without ever opening the box with the water goblets. And the decanter? Please. We filled it once with top-shelf bourbon only to be drunk on special occasions. It lasted a week.

In somewhat related news, I think I need to cut down on the alcohol consumption. I realized this yesterday when I got a bit tipsy at Easter. Because nothing screams "lush" like having a few too many while hanging out with the family on the holiest of Christian holidays.

La La Land

I just got back from vaca in LA. I'm super busy today, but I shall return soon with plenty of drunken stories and incriminating photos.

I'm Totally Mexican

Actually, just a quarter. But I've decided that's enough to throw a Cinco de Mayo party.

So here's what I'm thinking. Last weekend, my family suggested I have a Memorial Day party (basically, I'm just looking for an excuse to have people over to our soon-to-be-new apartment). But the problem with Memorial Day parties is that people always have eight places to go that day, and lots of people go out of town. Plus, a party couldn't go very late because everyone has to work the next day.

So instead, I'm thinking I should have a Cinco de Mayo party. For starters, it falls on a Saturday this year. Second, people probably don't already have plans that day. And third? Margaritas.

The only problem is, I have no idea what type of food to make that can serve lots of people. With a BBQ, you can grill two dozen hot dogs and hamburgers, and everyone's happy. But with Mexican food, how do you cook for the masses? I've already decided that I'm going to make cream of poblano soup, which I have been obsessed with lately. But other than that, I'm stumped. Give me some ideas!!!!!

By the way, here's me and Laura on 05/05/05. We're totally Mexican.

Sarah who?

So, even though I don't advertise my blog at work, and even though I've deleted all posts containing my last name so as not to be found in a Google search (by the way, that means no more using my new last name in comments, folks. It's rough, I know. Think of all the superhero posts I can't do now), I've decided that it's probably not best to rehash some of the hairier details of my job at the moment.

In other news, after two years in our teeny one-bedroom apartment, Chris and I have found a new place. Looks like we're probably moving to west Bucktown. The apartment we found is a two-bedroom two flat with a fenced-in backyard for Rosie, dishwasher (Thank God!), granite counter tops, stainless steel appliances and washer & dryer, among other snazzy amenities. But the best part? This place comes with a piano. A FREAKING PIANO! I seriously almost cried when I found out. To think of all the stress relief and happiness those 88 keys will bring ... I can't wait.

Cheaters

One of Chris and my favorite shows (and guilty pleasures) is the show Cheaters. At least it used to be. But now that I know, first hand, how embarrassing and real life this show is, I’ve lost my taste for it.

Chris and I went out of town this weekend to visit the family in North Carolina, and while we were gone, Rosie called Cheaters.

The episode is set to air sometime next month. But if you can’t handle all those commercials for payday loans and get-rich quick programs, here’s the brief summary:

Investigation Day 3:

Suspects Sarah and Chris are seen in the company of an unknown male companion.



The suspects and the companion spend about an hour together playing and laughing, before retiring into an unknown residence, which they don’t leave until the next morning.



Investigation Day 7:

The suspects are once again spotted with the companion, now identified as Baron von Wunderhund.



Sarah, Chris and the companion exchange looks of adoration, and even pose together for a “family” photo.



Confrontation:

Cheaters detectives brief Rosie on the whereabouts of Sarah and Chris. When Rosie learns of the new companion, she’s left distraught.



Regular Cheaters host Richard Greco was unavailable for this episode, so Rosie talked to new Cheaters host HollyRhea (who is totally pregnant, in case you haven’t heard) about her hurt feelings toward Sarah and Chris.



Despite these feelings, however, Rosie said she would like to try to repair her relationship with Sarah and Chris.



The Aftermath:

It’s been a few days since Rosie was reunited with Sarah and Chris. Although the suspects said they have not ruled out seeing their North Carolina companion again, they said they never intended to hurt Rosie. They hope to be able to put the incident behind them and move on with their lives.