Moody, piss, poor and smelly

I haven't been in the mood to blog this week. Not sure why. Maybe the sub-zero weather has suppressed my ability to form coherent thoughts. I think that's it.

It's too bad because there's actually been a bit going on this week. For starters, we're taking care of Barkley again, along with his roomie Popcorn, who loves to piss on the floor. Like, we'll let him out, watch him go to the bathroom, and then he'll come inside, look me right in the eye, and piss on the floor. The little shit. (Oh yeah, he leaves those around, too.)

We also got close to buying a house this week. I've been keeping the whole thing under wraps because I wasn't sure what was going to come of it. There are lots of variables affecting when and how we can buy a house in the near future. We actually even made an offer on one last week, but when we weren't able to get them to come down enough on the price, we were both a little relieved. So, I think we're going to wait about six months and reconsider the idea.

And now for something completely different: I've been drinking a lot more water lately in accordance with one of my resolutions, and I've noticed that it gives me ass breath. Chris said the same thing happens to him. What's up with that? Does this happen to anyone else, or are we both just suffering from some form of water-induced halitosis?

Mayo on the Mind

I'm already planning our Cinco de Mayo party this year. Never mind that it's the middle of January and forecasted to drop into the single digits this weekend. I can't help it — I love to plan things.

Adding to my planning delight is this piece of equipment I found at Sur La Table recently:


Not only does it hold ice and bottled beverages, but you can also fill it with mixed beverages to dispense through the tap on the side. Beverages like margaritas, which this year, will be made about a quarter strength compared to last year's. (We made the mistake of making authentic margaritas based on a recipe from Rick Bayless. Essentially, the 'ritas were 2 parts tequila, 1 part Cointreau, and a splash of lime juice. People got wasted. People got wasted before we even served dinner. People ended up puking in our bathroom, sink and kitchen. Someone, who shall remain nameless, even ended up sleeping on the dining room floor. That was fun and all, but this year, we're going to tone it down a bit.)

Anyway, I've decided that this piece of equipment is so totally necessary, except that it costs $350. Sigh. If we weren't going to Aruba in February, Arizona in March, and possible Italy in November, I'd probably buy the sucker and just pay it off over a few months. But being a grown up, I have to stop spending money on such frivolous objects.

Being an adult blows.

Melty

We had a company meeting today that involved pizza. I'm trying to be "good," so I only had one slice and some salad.

Afterward, I helped clean up and combined all the leftover slices into two boxes. There's about three full pizzas worth.

It's taking all my willpower right now to not raid that fridge.


On a totally unrelated note, I think my blog post titles for the rest of the month should all include the letter "y."

Politeyness

Now that I’m riding the bus to work again, I’ve returned to that unenviable position of trying to decide when to give up my seat for the elderly, crippled, pregnant or otherwise infirmed. This was never an issue when I took the train because seats on the train were a rare occurrence. On the bus, however, I almost always get a seat. I often wish that weren’t the case because of 1) the horrible guilt I feel when I’m sitting while other people are standing, and 2) the aforementioned uncomfortableness of seat-giving.

Here’s the thing: If I were a dude, this wouldn’t be a problem. Any guy can give up his seat to any woman, and it’s considered being polite or chivalrous. But when a woman gives up a seat for another woman, it gets a little dicey. For example, if I see a woman who might be pregnant, but could possibly just be heavy, do I offer my seat? On one hand, if the woman truly is pregnant, she would no doubt appreciate the chance to sit down. But what if I offer my seat to someone who looks pregnant, but is actually just overweight? Now, I’ve totally offended her because she would likely know that I thought she was pregnant when she was, in fact, just fat. This gets especially difficult to judge in the winter when trying to determine if that’s a baby bump or a pot belly under your parka is virtually impossible.

The same problem lies with giving up seats to the elderly. Now, if some blue-haired little old lady gets on the bus, giving up my seat is a no-brainer. But usually I’m faced with women who look oldish, but might actually be younger than they look. If I give up my seat, I’m essentially saying, “You look old. Unlike yourself, I am young, sprightly, in good shape and readily able to stand on a moving bus for 20 minutes. Therefore, you should take my seat.”

I was in this type of situation last night. The bus was packed when I got on and I was standing in the front by the priority seating. A few stops into the ride, the woman sitting in front of me got off. Normally, I wouldn’t even sit down at this point just so I could avoid having to make a judgment about when to give up my seat. But the bus was packed and I mostly just wanted to free up a little space, so I took a seat.

A few stops later, an oldish-looking woman got on the bus. She wasn't elderly, but she looked older. She was also carrying two bags, so I offered her my seat. She gladly took it, but after sitting for a moment, I was certain she was thinking, “Do I really look that old?”

Making matters more uncomfortable, the woman sitting next to her, after witnessing the seat transaction, said to me, “That was very nice of you.” Now I felt super uneasy. I nervously smiled and said, “Well, she was carrying a lot of bags…” Then I uncomfortably stood there and tried to find a place to look. Fortunately, it wasn’t long before the line of standers started moving toward the back of the bus and I could leave the situation.

It’s this type of scenario that gives me so much anxiety about sitting on the bus. From now on, I think I’ll just stand whenever possible just to avoid it. However, I’d like to ask all you pregnant or elderly folks out there for a favor: if you get on the bus and there aren’t any available seats, just ask for one. Seriously, people won’t be offended. In fact, they’ll probably be relieved that they don’t have to make a judgment call between fat, pregnant, wrinkled and elderly.

Slightly-after-New-Year's Resolutions

Most of my resolutions last year were too lofty, and many were difficult to quantify. And if I’ve learned anything from the past two years of corporate publishing, it’s that you can’t manage what you can’t measure. Yay metrics.

Anyway, this year I decided to make my resolutions a little more realistic and specific. So here goes:

1. Lose 10 pounds. Lose 5 of those 10 by Feb. 15 (I’m heading to Aruba for a wedding the following week.)

2. Drink at least 64 oz. of water a day. (I've already started working on this one. It has increased my bathroom usage by 33%)

3. Run a 5k in less than 30 minutes.

4. Run at least 500 miles total this year.

5. Reduce emails in inbox to less than 250.

6. Email or call at least one friend or family member other than Chris each day. (I’m horrible at keeping in touch with people.)

7. Floss daily.

8. Read at least 15 books I haven’t read before. (Cookbooks don’t count).

9. Pay off credit card debt.

10. Buy a house.

I am 28

Since I last posted, I:

- Attended the office holiday party, where I was a wee bit overserved
- Celebrated Christmas, four times
- Celebrated Chris' birthday, three times
- Celebrated my birthday, four times
- Changed the name on my driver's license
- Drove to Pennsylvania and back
- Hosted a New Year's Eve dinner party
- Ate too much and vegged on couch, too many times to count

If it hadn't been for that last point, I would say that I've been too busy to post. But, obviously, this was not the case. Just too comfortable.

My sister-in-law is coming into town tomorrow to visit for a few days. She lives in the south and has spent the last year working on a cruise ship in Hawaii. In response to her impending arrival, Chicago decided to do its best impression of itself and fall to 5 degrees outside, with a wind chill of negative 40. I predict that the constant in-law taunting of "I'm sorry it's soooo cold in Chicago, because my tulips are blooming in North Carolina" will not end in the near future. Awesome.